This piece by Steve Young is such dead-on satire that after reading it twice, I still don't whether to laugh or cry.
The Perkiness Factor: Why Joe Biden Lost the Debate
If you’re gonna run a town, it’s better to be perky than smart.” Mayberry Sheriff Andy Taylor*
I know the liberal mainstream media will try to spin the vice presidential debate as a win for Joe Biden, but that’s because they continue to be out of touch with what the folks really care about.
Perkiness.
It wasn’t simply that Biden wasn’t perky enough, but the guy just doesn’t understand the plain folks. Not once did Biden punctuate a point with a snappy wink. That’s for darn sure. The folks like a politician who knows how to wink to show they’re right there with you. My only problem with Sarah was that he did not point and click at the same time.
Yet Sarah was far more than perky. She was shrewd. Shrewd enough to know darn well than to answer the questions that were asked. Biden felt he had to answer the actual questions, filling those answers with all kinds of endless specifics.
If he gave one more detail to explain how he and Obama plan to change the horrific direction Bush and company has taken this country that McCain wants to continue, I swear I would have crawled through the TV machine and strangled him.
Sarah correctly pointed out that Biden kept looking back instead of forward. Where I come from, if you don’t want to bump into people in front of you, you look forward not backward.
If Biden thinks you can learn anything from history, I can tell you from experience, he’s just bound not to repeat it.
Biden said that “looking back” was a prologue. A prologue? Come on. We’re not talking books here. We’re talking running a country, which is less about books and more about, energy, which, as Sarah obviously knows, is the answer to every question.
Sure, as the MSM will say, Biden spoke with expertise and a full grasp of the details of whatever he was proposing. That’s because he obviously has no where near the ability of Sarah to memorize. And if Biden ever really went to school he would know that passing a test has far more to do with memorization than any kind of comprehension. Leave no child behind? Try leave no Senator behind.
It was blah-blah-blah “the Ayatollahs are in charge of Iran, not Amadinejad,” and blah-blah-blah “Energy plans are more than just ‘drill, baby, drill.’ They’re wind, solar, bio-diesel, and nuclear power” or blah-blah-blah “our commander on the ground in Afghanistan has said that an Iraq surge would not work there like Sarah said.”
Enough with the facts. You fill your head with facts, how in the world are you going to have room for the talking points that can fit on a bumper sticker? And while I’m at it, what is so wrong with Sarah using talking points. Perhaps you want her to make her points without talking?
They’ll say Sarah is just a high school cheerleader parading as a legitimate candidate for leader of this country. Perhaps those elite, blue state, northerners don’t know that your can’t spell the word “cheerleader” without the word “leader.”
And you can’t spell Vice President with three e’s and you don’t have to be a math genius to know there are just that amount of e’s in cheerleader.
But above it all, Biden’s problems were embodied by his refusal to respond to Sarah’s polite, but unrehearsed, request to “Say, it ain’t so, Joe.” He kept saying it was “so.” Over and over. And that’s not what the folks want to hear, doggonit.
They want hear “perk.”
Ask anyone in Mayberry.
*Though it might have been Chrissy from “Three’s Company.” What Andy Taylor might have said was, ”After last night, Aunt Bee must be rolling over in her grave.”
Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" and the aptly named steveyoungonpolitics.com
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